


Now and Forevermore

by Kataki



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alpha Erwin Smith, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Domestic Violence, Dominant Erwin Smith, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Humiliation, M/M, Manipulation, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Omega Verse, Oral Knotting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Rough Oral Sex, Scent Marking, Self-Harm, Submissive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Top Erwin Smith, Verbal Abuse, mentioned Mikenana
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-10 10:00:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13499640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kataki/pseuds/Kataki
Summary: People change, love has to endure the hardships of life. Love tries to survive, sometimes it prevails."It’s been like this for years now, and really, Levi is so lucky, so unbelievably thankful to have Erwin with him. To have an Alpha who cares, cares so much, about every little thing – notices every detail, always. Who sees everything, sees right through him."





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Uncommon_Violet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uncommon_Violet/gifts), [minxiebutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minxiebutt/gifts).



> For the ones who always support me. Thank you.
> 
> -
> 
> Will get darker as it progresses. I'll update the tags with each chapter and will give more specific warnings in the notes.  
> For this first chapter there are no additional warnings.
> 
>  
> 
> This is only the beginning.

The laundry is finally done. Levi only uses brand-name fabric softener without preservatives, the one that says _clean cotton_ , because Erwin likes it the most out of all the ones he tried. Many make Levi’s body feel itchy, especially when his skin is raw, this is the most gentle one.

This is why Levi likes it, because it doesn’t hurt him. Erwin likes it because it’s fresh but he can still smell Levi, can still tell Levi’s moods. When his fear and guilt are poisoning the air and exposing him without mercy. He’s always exposed when Erwin is around, but that’s how things should be, Levi can’t have secrets, and if he messes up, he has to redeem himself. This is what he deserves, and what Erwin deserves – a good mate.

After ironing them, he folds Erwin’s shirts meticulously, making sure that there are no creases or flaws. He still has to vacuum the living room and prepare dinner before Erwin comes back home.

It’s been like this for years now, and really, Levi is so lucky, so unbelievably thankful to have Erwin with him. To have an Alpha who cares, cares so much, about every little thing – notices every detail, always. Who sees everything, sees right through him.

Tonight, Erwin wants pepper steak, nothing Levi would choose for himself. He prefers vegetables, less meat. Maybe it’s an Omega thing, maybe just personal taste, but the dead flesh and meat juice pouring out of it make his stomach churn.

Erwin is on time, as expected, as every day. When Levi hears the distant rattling of keys, his body tenses for a moment, eyes darting around the kitchen, checking, searching, reassuring himself that everything is fine. He quickly wipes his damp palms on his apron and shuffles out of the kitchen, tripping over his own feet.

“I’m sorry!” Levi manages to hold onto the dresser, Erwin seems to pay his unsuccessful entrance no mind. Levi eagerly raises himself on tiptoes to meet Erwin’s lips.

“It’s nice to be home, my love.” Erwin’s hand lingers on the back of Levi’s neck, applying no pressure but Levi stays on tiptoes regardless. Just to be safe.

“Welcome home, dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” Levi whispers and after their kiss Erwin’s face is still close. Azure eyes intently search within him until Erwin releases the soft hold on his nape.

Dinner is uneventful. Erwin rarely talks about work, but when he does Levi can always feel a slight pain in his chest. A small reminder that he indeed chose to stay at home. He chose to stop working and make housekeeping his job instead. Erwin suggested it, sure, but Levi was the one to hand in his resignation and say goodbye to the place that had made them meet again.

“Come here.” Levi’s heart almost stops when Erwin’s voice cuts through the silent dining room. He has a way of saying things, of hitting something deep within Levi’s mind that makes him unable to disobey. It’s love. Love is why Levi obeys.

There’s still so much food on his plate when Levi stands up to follow Erwin’s demand. It doesn’t matter now, he doesn’t want to gain weight anyway and all he can think of is why – why – what’s going to happen, what has he done wrong, what did he forget about, what–  oh.

Levi kneels right next to Erwin’s chair. Head lowered and turned slightly to expose his neck.

“It’s not fair, Levi. Whenever I talk about work you start smelling like this. It’s disgusting and spoils my appetite.” Erwin’s voice is low, deep, and now Levi can smell him too. That scent, penetrating his body, filling his lungs, trying to drown him in guilt and shame.

His lips part and he wants to speak but the words get stuck in his throat.

“Go stand in the corner until I’m done eating.” The disappointment drips from Erwin’s words and Levi’s mind is screaming at him to move, begging him to stand up and be obedient.

“Yes, Alpha.”

Levi is lucky tonight, his body listened to him; he’s truly happy.

-

Later that night Erwin sits in front of the TV, but mainly focuses on the newspaper in his hands. Approaching him, Levi can steal a glance – something about an attack on a government institution. It’s not far from where Levi used to work, where they met again.

He sits down on the plush pillow on the ground next to Erwin’s armchair, as soon as he leans against it his Alpha’s fingers start undoing his braid – gently, step by step. The feeling is wonderful, washing over Levi’s scalp in waves until Erwin’s fingertips start tickling the sensitive area close to the bonding mark – right where the scent glands on his neck are.

“Hng..” He closes his eyes, this is heaven.

Erwin doesn’t stop but stays focused on the newspaper until his fingers reach Levi’s jaw, then his lips and Levi opens up immediately. There are no boundaries, nothing hidden.

Fingers explore the inside of his cheek, press down on his tongue, slowly starting to reach further back, almost down his throat. Levi starts moaning around them, wet and hot.

“Slut.” Levi panics for a moment but finds a grin on Erwin’s lips as he pats his thigh, a clear signal he obeys keenly.

“Finger yourself,” Erwin whispers against Levi’s neck, his digits now moving down his throat a little further, gathering thick saliva. His other hand rests on Levi’s stomach, arm wrapped around the lithe body for support. Levi is trembling, reaching back to lift his dress, pushing his panties to the side to reveal slick running down his body. He shifts on Erwin’s lap trying to find the position that allows him best access.

“Use two, should be enough to satisfy your greedy hole for tonight.” Erwin starts moving his fingers in the back of Levi’s throat, fucking his mouth while Levi’s fingertips breach his own, smooth entrance. 

“So wet just from fucking your mouth with my fingers. What do you prefer, this or my knot up your ass?” Levi can’t answer, mewls instead as saliva starts trickling down his chin. Erwin’s tongue catches part of it, lips not disconnecting from Levi’s skin while the orgasm claims his mind. He sinks against Erwin’s chest, feels lips and teeth on his bonding mark as the last waves of pleasure leave his body.

“Clean yourself up, you’re a mess.” 

Levi obeys.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being around Erwin has always made him a little more sensitive. His skin tender, his chest sore, his limbs bruised and his heart aching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Vi. ♡
> 
> -
> 
> Chapter warnings: Blood, violence

Levi doesn’t watch TV very often. It only upsets him and there could be propaganda – Erwin says. After all, the opposing military forces could still be alive and well, operating from the underground to disrupt their society; their perfect and peaceful life. But a show about animal babies should be fine, Levi decides. The little paws are so cute, and their bright eyes, why does he feel so empty, like something is missing.

The weather outside is gloomy but grocery shopping is a necessity. It’s really not that Levi likes going outside. Why would he? it’s scary, dangerous even, you never know people’s intentions. He’s only safe at home, where his Alpha protects him.

Ignoring the sharp pain in his back, where a dark bruise blooms on the skin stretched thinly over his bones, Levi gets dressed. It’s still early in the day, and Erwin is at work already. He’s working so hard to provide for Levi, to make sure they have a nice home.

Maybe it’s better to braid his hair – Levi thinks, bringing the strands together loosely. Erwin loves it falling over his bony shoulders, kisses it sometimes and once he even threatened– no, _offered_ to cut it, if Levi didn’t like it anymore. If he’d prefer his short undercut from when they had met again.

He finds a coat Erwin wore recently and slips into it, lightly rubbing it against his skin for comfort, to scent mark himself. It’s not like other Alphas can’t tell that Levi has a mate, but Erwin’s scent is heavy, scary – to others, never to Levi, of course – so he will stay safe outside, even when Erwin’s hands aren’t there to shield him. When his voice can’t help him make the right decisions.

Erwin’s scent on Levi’s skin causes hot need in his veins. His next heat should be far away, but being around Erwin has always made him a little more sensitive. His skin tender, his chest sore, his limbs bruised and his heart aching.

-

The grocery store Levi likes best, the one with the broad range of organic goods, is just down the street, a few minutes from their apartment. It’s a good neighborhood, vastly different from the one they grew up in. At times like these Levi remembers their childhood, how bright Erwin’s smile was even then, how they explored the tiny forest area that seemed to offer endless adventures in their childish gazes.

He stops in his tracks, right at the little pathway leading to that piece of woodlands. Maybe he should have a look, see if things changed, if he can find their naïve dreams lying in the mud by the brook.

No. He keeps on walking.

A raindrop kisses the tip of his nose and Levi quickly makes his way inside.

-

At home Levi dries apples, oranges, a fresh beefsteak and several other purchases - the rain had started pouring down as soon as he'd entered the store. His hair is still a little wet despite having met one of their neighbors at the check-out. He was kind enough to drive Levi the short way home, even helped him carry the groceries up the stairs.

Feeling a little more calm now that everything is back in order again, Levi decides to exchange his damp clothes for dry, fresh ones and then opens his braid to brush out the small waves it created. Despite the soft curls stealing some of his hair’s length, the ends of it still almost reach his waist.

Levi stays in front of the bedroom mirror for a while, stares at his reflection. There is darkness under his eyes and a few lines that have been there since he can remember, but the darkness – he wonders if it has always been there. Surely, it must be genetics, there is so other reason.

He turns a little, lifts his dress and stares at the colors spreading over his back. Reaching around his own body to push two fingertips against swollen blue makes him gasp, makes his skin tingle and tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, but none escape.

-

Erwin’s hand on the back of Levi’s neck is heavy, fingers wrapping around him, pulling his body up further. The straining position makes is feet hurt, his small frame out of balance on the tip of his toes. It’s not his own strength making him stand upright, it’s Erwin’s.

Levi had known something was wrong from the moment their eyes met, from the cold shiver raising up his hackles. _I’m sorry_ and _please forgive me_ fell from his lips without yet realizing what he had done this time. Only when the tip of Erwin’s nose brushed along his skin did it dawn on him.

“No, no! Alpha-“

How could he have misjudged this so severely.

“Please, let me explain, Erwin-“

How can he be such a fucking failure.

“O-Our neighbor, you know him, he’s a Beta! He drove me home-”

Erwin slides his hand upward and yanks Levi’s head back violently, throwing him out of balance and onto the ground. Trying to numb the sting where his hair is pulled, Levi’s hands instinctively reach back to grab for Erwin’s wrist, begging him to let go. But his Alpha’s grip is relentless.

“I know, I met him outside, in the hallway. He told me about it.” Erwin is towering over him, fingers still tangled in the back of his hair, forcing Levi’s gaze up. He wants to look away, doesn’t want to see the disappointment.

“But even if he didn’t, you stink like him, everything about you. Didn’t even have the decency to clean yourself.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“You're not able to protect yourself. Don’t talk to Betas, they’re out to get you.” Levi whines in the back of his throat. Erwin’s right, he’s always right, it was dangerous.

“Look at me.”

When Levi looks up, the back of Erwin’s hand meets his cheekbone, the momentum causing Levi’s head to bang against the wooden drawer of the dresser.

For a moment there is nothing, then static noise floods Levi’s ears until it bleeds out into a high pitched ringing, leaving him to make way for blunt pain to dominate his senses. His jaw feels heavy and doesn’t allow him to speak. Levi’s body is picked up and a familiar, comforting scent wraps around him.

“My poor Omega,” Erwin whispers and kisses the shell of his ear, tongue darting out to lap up the blood running down Levi’s scalp. It soothes the pain and makes a pleasant numbness spread over his face. His Alpha’s saliva mixes with his blood, covering his wounds, penetrating his body to unfold a drug-like relaxation in Levi’s limbs.

“Erwin.. Alpha- s-sorry,” Levi breathes but his words are stopped by a thumb on his bottom lip.

“You would never betray me. I’m sure.” The thumb is replaced by lips. Levi tastes copper as his mouth is claimed by Erwin’s tongue.

Levi can’t remember the end of that day, knows that he woke up early in the morning, in their bed and with clean wounds and braided hair. Erwin cares, takes care of him so well. Even when he messes up, Erwin is kind. But his kindness hurts so badly.

The following weeks are hell. It’s a painless hell, one where nothing exists, where Levi is alone, no one.

Erwin doesn’t look at him, doesn’t speak to him, let alone touch him.

So Levi doesn’t speak either, doesn’t say a word to anyone – he is not someone to talk to, not someone to acknowledge until Erwin decides otherwise.

When Erwin comes home, Levi kneels on the carpet in the entrance area, waiting in silent submission, he serves dinner just as mutely. And when Erwin goes to bed Levi waits, dressed in loose nightgowns with his eyes downcast and neck bared to offer what will not be taken until Levi has redeemed himself.

Every pain would be easier to endure than being no one to the only one he loves.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Levi looks at him with wide eyes, his fingers are so skinny and trembling on the handle of the knife he’s holding. Levi gazes up at him like this so often, like he’s scared."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, sorry!
> 
> -
> 
> Chapter warnings: Mpreg mention, implied suicidal ideation, coerced drug use

_Life was different back then. Now everything changes so quickly. Just there, on the other side of the little forest area, is where they grew up. It’s so close, Levi only has to reach out. He can grab it, and keep it, and start over. Get another chance at life._

Levi wakes up, inhaling in a sharp breath when he hears sheets rustling next to him. Turning around he meets Erwin’s eyes, half-lidded but clearly awake. “Erwin, s-sorry, n-“ Erwin wraps one arm around Levi’s body, pulling him close.

“Nightmare?” He kisses Levi’s temple, then licks a sheer layer of tears off his cheekbone, leaving Levi whine desperately. His voice is so clear, so unashamed and Erwin responds by crooning against Levi’s neck, the deep sound makes his bonding mark tingle pleasantly.

“I’m here, little Omega,” Erwin promises as Levi paws at his chest. Erwin’s weight slowly covering his small body puts calming pressure on his limbs.

“This just tells us that your heat is close. I’ll pick up your medication after work,” Erwin offers, his big palm rubbing soothing circles into Levi’s side and belly.

“I-“ Levi chokes out a sound, unsure if he should speak, interrupting Erwin’s generous attention.

“Yes?” The firmness of his Alpha’s voice holds down his confidence, grabs it by the neck and makes it submit.

“I’ll get up and prepare breakfast.” Levi nuzzles his cheek against the underside of Erwin’s jaw before sliding out of bed. Erwin allows it and follows Levi’s movements with his gaze – Levi can feel it burning on his skin, piercing through him.

-

Erwin knows what Levi wanted to say, it’s become so ridiculously obvious to him. They rarely go outside together, but if they do, Levi’s eyes are glued to kids running around and bellies peeking through clothes. The poor thing - thinks it’s not obvious.

Despite having more than an hour left to get sleep, Erwin gets up and uses the time to work-out. Gaining and maintaining muscle is still easy, his active military days seem to have a lasting effect. Still, Erwin prefers it like this, to work with more numbers and reports and less people. Less dead bodies and less blood, even though the thought of old times sets a small flame ablaze. The same flame that helped him kill and survive.

He takes a shower after his work-out and finds Levi waiting in the kitchen. Breakfast is almost ready, it seems. Levi looks at him with wide eyes, his fingers are so skinny and trembling on the handle of the knife he’s holding. Levi gazes up at him like this so often, like he’s scared.

They eat wordlessly and Erwin picks up the medication after work.

-

“Those are...” Levi reads the unfamiliar name on the packaging.

“Contraceptives,” Erwin fills in and smiles.

“But I.. I usually..”

“You usually take suppressants, yes, but it is healthier, more natural that way.” Erwin takes the package from Levi and opens it. “Don’t you think?”

Levi stares at Erwin’s fingers removing a pill from one of the blisters, the implications slowly dawning on him. “Then.. I’ll be in heat but I can’t get pregnant..?”

“Yes, the heat will be a little shorter than it would naturally be, the pharmacist explained it to me. You should take one now, you already smell different. Open your mouth.” Levi barely has time to comply before Erwin pushes one of the small pills past his lips, holding his mouth shut. “Swallow.”

He nods and Erwin smiles, so Levi must have behaved well, well enough to earn this. Then why is there so much panic in the back of his mind? Why does the thought of going through heat without being able to conceive a child unsettle him so much?

“Is there a problem, Levi?” Erwin reads him like an open book. How kind of him to worry.

“No, everything is perfect. Thank you for getting my medication.” Levi lowers his head and carefully nuzzles his face against Erwin’s chest. His Alpha smells so good, even better than usual. Levi’s whine is muffled by Erwin’s shirt and just when he’s about to pull away, strong arms embrace him tightly. Only when Erwin’s lips come close to his ear, tension takes over every part of his body.

“Don’t question my decisions ever again, do you understand?”

-

Soon Levi can feel his heat approaching. The sensation is unfamiliar at first since using suppressants had been his go-to method to take care of the unwanted troubles that come with being an Omega. But Erwin has made a decision, and Levi is not in a position - has no right - to question it.

After taking a bath Levi’s skin is hypersensitive, his nipples almost sore without any stimulation. Observing himself in the bathroom mirror, touching them behind a steamy veil, accelerates Levi’s heartbeat. He wants his Alpha’s hands on his body, needs them there, _desperately_.

Erwin is in the living room when Levi slips into the bed room to get dressed. Instead of choosing clothes from his wardrobe, Erwin’s worn shirt and tie catch his attention. He reaches for them, letting his bath towel drop to the ground, lost in the spell of Erwin’s scent, and brings the shirt up to his nose. Levi inhales deeply, moaning into the fabric, hand reaching behind him to shyly press his fingertip against his damp entrance. Levi’s eyes wander across the room, vision blurry until the sight of Erwin’s reflection in the mirror makes his heart skip a beat, almost dropping the source of the delicious scent.

“Erwin..” Levi gasps, high-pitched and needy and he sounds so desperate and pathetic to his own ears that shame spreads brightly across his cheeks.

“Continue.”

“Alpha, please..” Levi needs, needs so desperately, _please_.

Erwin sighs, the sound like a stab in Levi’s chest but Erwin has mercy.

“Crawl.”

He’s so kind.

Levi gets on his knees, bare and yearning, crawling like an animal to reach the feet of his Alpha, who’s standing tall and imposing before him. He kisses Erwin’s feet, rubs his cheek against them, whimpering until Erwin pushes him away, with the sole of his foot pressed against Levi’s throat.

“Please, I need you, please, Erwin,” Levi chokes out, trying to nestle his face against the foot impairing his breathing.

“I know you do, I can see that you’re lost without me.” Erwin’s voice is so gentle, soothing Levi’s aching need even when the back of his head painfully meets the ground and Erwin straddles his chest. More than 200 pounds crushing down on Levi’s body – protected neither by muscle nor fat, just skin and bone and misery.

He can smell him, his scent, his cock, can imagine the way Erwin’s knot would spread him open, lock him up.

“You’ll take what I give you.”

“I’ll take it, yes, _yes_..”

It’s hard to breathe and Levi feels dizzy but seeing the outline of his Alpha’s cock, hard and waiting, just for him, helps Levi to stay there, in reality, with Erwin.

He hears fabric and leather and metal, feels the tip of Erwin’s cock against his lips – can taste him before their skin connects and swallows his length eagerly.

Inside of him - his Alpha is inside of his body, treating him so well.

“Keep open.”

Levi obeys. Let’s Erwin fuck his throat until the tip of his cock pulls thick saliva out of his mouth – then pushing back in until Levi gags, again and again. He can’t think, of anything at all. It’s peaceful and pleasant and the air reaching his lungs is barely enough to keep him conscious. A dreamlike state he wants to stay in for a little longer, but it soon ends with his jaw straining around Erwin’s knot, eagerly swallowing loads of cum making their way down his used throat.

He doesn’t want this to end, wants to switch off his mind a little longer.

Wants to be numb - doesn’t want to be anything.

Nothing at all.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those cold, blue eyes are glowing on their own, they are his light, Erwin is his light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Implied drowning, slight dubcon (heat)
> 
> No beta.

_The pleasant warmth of sunlight kisses Levi’s skin. He hears birds, someone laughing, and water burbling in the distance._

_He closes his eyes, rolls onto his side and combs his fingers through the grass. It’s a little damp. Levi moves to search for a different spot, feeling his fingertips sink into mud, cold and wet._

_Everything’s silent._

_He opens his eyes, wants to pull away, but instead of a meadow he’s surrounded by water, water everywhere – in his eyes and his lungs. Hands pushing him down, around his throat, on his chest and arms. He can’t breathe.  
_

_He wants to scream but the water muffles his plea-_

Levi wakes up from his own cries, sweat dripping down his forehead, his back. His body is bare, wet, everything is wet, his skin boiling hot, causing him to freeze against the chilly air surrounding him.

_Heat._

Looking around the room, Levi notices that it’s almost completely dark, except for the faint ray of light falling through the ajar door. He manages to catch his breath, to calm himself down upon realizing that he’s in the guest bedroom.

He’s been through this for several days in a row, at least that’s what it feels like. The physical exhaustion clouds his thinking, his perception of time and space and only when he hears footsteps, smells – _god, yes, yes, please_ \- that delicious scent coming closer..

“Alpha- Alpha!! Please.. Alpha-“ Levi wants to roll over, offer himself, arch his back and show off his dripping hole, beg for his Alpha’s cock, beg for his knot, his cum – anything, _everything_. But Something is holding him back, tangled chains inhibit his movement.

Erwin enters the room without providing any additional light, but Levi can see him clearly. Those cold, blue eyes are glowing on their own, they _are_ his light, Erwin is his light.

“You had another nightmare, must be the heat.” Erwin sits down in front of Levi and brushes the wet strands of hair out of his face, leaving Levi wailing pathetically. He needs more, so much more, everything hurts and if there’s a cure for his misery, it’s Erwin.

“Help me,” Levi breathes, hot tears running down his cheeks.

“Help you?” Erwin huffs and Levi can see the disbelief in his eyes. “Am I not doing enough for you already? Protecting you from everyone, especially from yourself. You’re so weak.”

The words sting despite the heat clouding his mind, but Levi knows they’re true. He’s always been a burden, let his Alpha down so early on, unable to be there for him, pulling Erwin down into the filth Levi was born in.

“You’re pathetic, but I’ll take care of you.”

Levi wants this to be reality, wants it to be exactly what he needs, which is neither a dream nor a cruel game. No, it will be okay, Erwin is never cruel. He’s better than others, perfect even, and still, he chose Levi. Made Levi the one to fuck and knot and dig his teeth into. To kiss with a passion that made Levi’s heart ache at the thought of ever not being with him or loved by him – of not being wanted. The air of that spring day, the sounds, Erwin’s scent, his eyes and his smile when he promised to _love him_ , to _stay with him_ \- _now and forevermore_. It’s what keeps Levi alive, what helps him endure, despite being weak, despite being pathetic. He owes Erwin his life.

Levi nods, hunching his shoulders subconsciously, trying to protect himself without seeing the enemy. His body stiffens when Erwin leans in closely, unlocking his shackles to pick him up. Levi immediately starts whimpering into the crook of his Alpha’s neck, pawing at the firm, muscular body he wants to be buried beneath.

“Shh..” Erwin has mercy and licks the scent glands on Levi’s neck before sucking the sensitive skin until Levi is a rutting, moaning mess in his arms.

They make their way into the bedroom. Their own room where the sheets smell like them, where Levi grinds against the blanket while Erwin’s undressing himself. It’s like an erotic show in slow-motion, the way his muscles flex, the play of shadows on his back, Levi is in awe. But nothing feels as good as seeing his Alpha’s big cock, hard, standing tall in response to him. The sight forces Levi’s body into the same submission his mind is in.

Erwin approaches him, grabs a fistful of hair at the back of Levi’s head and pulls him close, scent marking him by rubbing his cock against Levi’s cheeks, his plump lips, his neck. Levi whines and inhales his Alpha’s scent, tastes the thin moisture of Erwin’s tip on his lips.

“You’re mine, Omega,” Erwin growls, pushing Levi back and turning him around with ease while positioning himself behind him on the bed.

“I’m yours, Alpha,” Levi promises, becoming boneless under Erwin’s rough hands.

Erwin sits casually, with Levi’s ass high up in the air right in front of him. Reaching through the gap between Levi’s thighs, Erwin wraps his arms around the slim waist, pulling Levi up and toward himself headfirst.

With his back arched and his body bent painfully, Levi feels Erwin’s tongue and teeth on his perineum, between his cheeks, sucking and nibbling his sensitive balls and hole without remorse. Covered in his Alpha’s scent, saliva and marks, Levi comes for the first time that night, as soon as Erwin’s tongue invades his slick-covered entrance. He comes undone three times before Erwin lets go and Levi’s chest sinks down against the smooth sheets.

“I’ll knot you,” Erwin decides, pulling Levi’s hips up to align them perfectly.

The promise almost makes Levi cry simply because he’s so thankful that Erwin always gives him just what he needs, just what’s best for him, and his Alpha delivers.

He comes again when the tip of Erwin’s cock breaches him, starting a relentless pace of thrusts until Levi’s backside is a deep pink, abused by Erwin’s weight sinking back into him over and over again. Erwin’s love, or his mercy, leaves bite marks along Levi’s spine, bruises on his arms and hips, but all the pain is pleasure, every pain is pleasure, _always_.

Unable to count anymore, Levi tightens around Erwin one last time, feeling his Alpha’s knot locking into place, bonding them once more. _Finally, it’s been so long._

Breathing heavily, skin wet with slick and sweat, they collapse with Erwin still buried deeply within Levi’s body. He wants to sleep, sink into that sweet abyss of peace, provided by his beloved Alpha.

Just when Levi tries pressing himself a little closer against Erwin’s chest, he feels a hand on his lower back.

“Stay like this,” Erwin commands, and Levi doesn’t have time to think before an agonizing pain rushes through his body, causing a heart-wrenching cry to cut through the air. Starting from where Erwin ripped his knot out of Levi’s body, the pain blooms through his limbs and his heart.

“I’ll take a shower, you should sleep.”

Levi closes his eyes and darkness swallows him whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, Levi.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin smiles to himself, reaches up to let his fingers glide under the collar of his shirt, where a small, faint bite mark meets his fingertips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Dubcon, a little blood

“Erwin, if you refuse to go, they can suspend you, you’re aware of that, aren’t you?” Mike says it calmly but hearing his friend and colleague mention it at all makes Erwin realize the impact of the situation. Instead of responding Erwin slams his laptop shut to open a window, the air in his office is stuffy and he needs to breathe.

“You can lie,” Mike adds, the words almost swallowed by the coffee mug at his lips, but Erwin hears them and nods. “How.. how bad is it? I haven’t seen Levi in a while.”

“Don’t talk about him,” Erwin growls, turning around to shoot the fellow Alpha a glare that supports his words. “You don’t know anything, Mike.”

Mike sets his mug down and stands behind Erwin at the window, putting a heavy hand on his shoulder. If it was any other Alpha, Erwin would have to restrain himself not to lash out, to assert his dominance, but not with Mike. They’ve been through enough for Erwin to know that Mike would put his neck on the line to protect him.

“You’re not one to talk, I remember the last time I saw Nana, do you think a little make-up can fool me?” Erwin turns around and grins smugly, Mike’s hand on his shoulder suddenly damp. “Yeah Mike, what’s your excuse? Nana was an active soldier, didn’t she suffer enough?”

Mike’s gaze is downcast, hands hanging loosely at his sides. “You know well enough this isn’t about whether someone deserves this shit or not. All I was saying is, you should attend the psychological evaluation for your own sake, and for Levi’s. They might not care much about him because of his uncle, but they’ll care about your behavior.”

“I’ll think about it. You should leave now, Mike.”

Erwin can see that Mike wants to say more but he leaves regardless.

There’s still a cost assessment to finish before he can leave, which means Levi will be waiting at home, probably standing right in front of the stove to turn it on as soon as Erwin enters, or to keep the food warm because he’ll be a little late tonight.

He smiles to himself, reaches up to let his fingers glide under the collar of his shirt, where a small, faint bite mark meets his fingertips.

The cost assessment takes less time than Erwin had thought. Before leaving he opens the desk drawer to take a pill out of a small blister. Without these rut suppressants he would have been unable to even leave his apartment for the duration of Levi’s heat, Erwin thinks to himself. He couldn’t have thought clearly, unable to take control and make logical decisions, this is something he can’t afford. But it should be fine by now, he thinks, putting the pill back into the blister. Levi’s heat ended a few days ago.

-

Levi walks from room to room, slowly, checking if everything is perfect since Erwin will be home soon. Walking still hurts a little but it’s healing much more quickly than Levi had thought, the slick and increased elasticity due to the heat must have helped. It was stressful, he doesn’t want to experience it again, knows that Erwin is right with saying that it’s healthier like this, but still, it was a little upsetting. Just a little.

Levi is shaking when he returns to the kitchen, palms so damp that the porcelain cup in his hand slips away, shattering to pieces on the kitchen tiles.

“No.. no, no!!” Levi begs, quickly trying to pick up the remains when he hears Erwin at the front door. He’s not quick enough, he has to hurry and welcome his mate, but which one is more important, which one will please Erwin? Levi doesn’t know, drops a few shards and quickly makes his way to the entrance.

“W-welcome home,” Levi mumbles without meaning to. Erwin’s gaze goes immediately to Levi’s fingers where two small cuts are forming bright droplets of blood on his paper-white skin.

“What did you do?”

Levi can hear the emotions in Erwin’s voice, smell them in the air, so he answers with a whimper in the back of his throat, trying to quickly bring his fingers toward his mouth but Erwin catches Levi’s wrist.

“No, let me,” Erwin says softly, gaze on Levi’s expression as he wraps his lips around the skinny fingers, cleaning the wounds with his tongue until the skin is calm and numb.

Levi is paralyzed, lips parted in disbelief, and just when his eyes meet Erwin’s, he feels his Alpha’s lips on his own, tasting copper when Erwin’s tongue invades his mouth.

Erwin’s hands run down his sides until they rest beneath Levi’s ass, pulling him up into strong arms. Levi moans into the kiss, a mix of arousal and pain but Erwin’s lips taste so sweet, so warm, Levi can take it.

He’s carried into the bedroom. Erwin is still fully dressed in his suit. The image makes Levi bear his neck in submission after his lips have been released by his Alpha’s.

“Little angel,” Erwin coos, placing Levi on top of the bed like he could fall apart any moment. “Undress for me, slowly.”

Levi whispers a soft “yes” at the command. Erwin steps back, observing what’s his.

Starting with his dress, Levi opens the back of it to make room for the fabric to reveal his shoulders, slowly letting it glide over his skin, further down until his chest is in full view. When Levi opens his braid Erwin palms himself through his pants. The sight makes Levi blush, providing soothing reassurance.

“Turn around,” Erwin groans and Levi raises himself a little, letting his dress fall to bunch up around his knees, hair playing softly over his shoulders. Leaning forward he carefully starts pulling down his panties.

“Are you wet?”

“Yes Alpha,” Levi answers, looking over his shoulder, trying to read Erwin’s intentions. Does he want Levi to finger himself? Or a blowjob? Or.. sex? The thought lets conflicting feelings claim Levi’s chest, but if Erwin wants it – wants him, how could he not be happy, joyful even?

Standing behind him, Erwin pushes Levi down until his front is flush against the bed. He pulls the panties and dress off his milky legs, dragging Levi closer to the edge of the bed.

Levi can hear Erwin’s belt hitting the ground. Turning his head back he sees his mate fully dressed with the exception of his bare, erect cock, the tip now waiting at Levi’s raw hole.

If this is what it takes, Levi will endure. If a little pain is all it needs for his Alpha to be happy, to touch him so gently and look at him with kind and worried eyes, Levi won’t break.

Erwin’s cock breaching his body makes Levi see white at the edge of his vision. It hurts so much more than expected and he stiffens at the intrusion.

“Shh.. relax,” Erwin whispers leaning down, mouth sucking, tongue licking Levi’s neck gland. The sensation helps numbing his pain, causing breathless moans to turn into needy mewls as soon as Erwin starts moving.

Levi comes with Erwin’s fingertips pressed into the old bruises on his hips, just a moment later his Alpha’s teeth pierce the skin on his neck and Levi can feel Erwin’s cock pulsing, shooting loads into him before pulling out to let milky, pink tinted fluid pour out of his hole.

Levi expects Erwin to leave, but suddenly there’s weight on the bed and his mate is right next to him, pulling Levi close.

“I love you,” Erwin coos, tightening his hold around Levi body and his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi is fine, right?


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere he finds part of himself again, something small, crying out to be noticed, to be embraced. Levi embraces himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Self harm, violence
> 
> No beta.

“Oh no..”

“Oh.. I..”

“I need to clean up..”

Levi stands in the kitchen, blood keeps trickling onto the tiles. Close to his wrist but not close enough, deep but not deep enough. He’s shaking, his hands and fingers trembling. The knife falls down and the sound cuts through the air. It’s still running, red and warm and Levi’s fingers feel weird, like they’re not his. Neither the ones not holding the knife anymore, nor the ones painted red. Nothing’s his, not his body or his mind or anything in this world. Nothing’s his because he’s no one and someone who’s not can’t own or be.

Somewhere he finds part of himself again, something small, crying out to be noticed, to be embraced. Levi embraces himself by cleaning the wounds, by covering them before he scrubs the tiles and the knife and it’s like nothing ever happened. The long-sleeved dress looks beautiful covering his skinny arms, hiding what should be hidden because he’s nothing but disgusting beneath, nothing but shameful and useless.

Poor Erwin, his poor Alpha. Stuck with him, no wonder he hurts Levi, it’s just natural, Levi deserves it. How could it be different, Levi is even hurting himself when Erwin’s not here, of course he’s asking for it, everything about him begging to be treated the way he should be treated. Less than dirt. Nothing.

-

“Mister Smith, I’d like to hear a little more about your marriage.” The psychologist skims through the folder in his hands. Erwin has met Berner before, briefly after he had met up with Mike after his evaluation.

“Mister Berner, it’s already been an hour, if you care about my marriage I suggest you let me go home now.” Erwin knows that a Beta is certainly the best choice for this job, but he can see the way his scent and voice impact the psychologist. Everything about him smells like Beta and Erwin is getting sick of it. He wants to go home, knowing he has to get it together for just a little longer.

Berner smiles insecurely and finds Erwin staring at him when he looks up from the folder.

“I fully understand, and we’ve already made great progress. Your experiences in active service seem very common and I’m not inclined to worry..” Berner pauses for a moment, then fetches another folder from the close by desk. “But we also have your partner’s file here. And, if you allow me to say this, it is quite unusual for an Alpha like you to choose an Omega like him… someone who was denied to take part in active service because of his affiliations.”

Erwin’s knuckles turn white as soon as Berner starts talking about Levi. “What are you talking about? Levi doesn’t have any affiliations. He chose to work in administration, that’s still part of the military. Of _our_ military. Or is active duty the only valuable position to take, doctor?” Erwin can see the impact of his words on Berner’s expression, but the Beta doesn’t falter.

“Levi Ackerman, son of Kuchel Ackerman who was not only a prostitute but also sister of Kenny Ackerman, who, as you’re surely aware of, was part of the prior regime’s secret military and has been involved in the gruesome murder of your father. I wonder how this knowledge influences your marriage."

His stomach churns at the disgustingly invasive question. How dare this Beta ask about his Omega, his mate who’s none of this man’s business. Erwin tries calming his own thoughts, realizing that he has to stay in charge of them, for his own and Levi’s sake.

Erwin had been made aware of Kenny Ackerman’s involvement in the murder of his father many years ago but decided to never talk to Levi about it. His mate had chosen to lie to him, told him that it had been his own choice not to pursue active duty, that he had felt more comfortable in administration, but Erwin knew Levi was denied a career as a soldier because of his affiliations. Because the new government didn’t trust the nephew of an enemy of the state to fight on the front lines.

With his emotions back under control Erwin manages a calm smile. “Mister Berner, I’ve known my mate almost all my life. We have a deep bond of mutual trust and I can assure you that there is absolutely no issue. You don’t have to mask your intentions by trying to make me think this is about our relationship. I’m aware that you’re here to investigate if Levi is a threat to the state, gathering information for the fallen state, especially because you can’t properly monitor him anymore since he quit working for good.”

Berner only responds with a nod, while taking a note Erwin can’t read from where he’s sitting.

“The revolution is over, the old state is dead,” Erwin says, not just for the psychologist but to convince himself too. Levi doesn’t have any contact with his uncle, he’s not an enemy. Levi is a victim, he’s always been one.

“Well,” Berner chimes and closes the files. “I think you’re right and there’s no issue, after all, you seem to put your mate in his place quite frequently.” Erwin pricks up his ears at the remark. “We’re done here,” the Beta concludes, reaching out to shake Erwin’s hand.

Erwin takes the hand Berner offers him but instead of saying good bye he pulls him in with one sharp move. He can smell the Beta’s fear, his carotid artery is so fucking close Erwin could just dig his teeth into the man’s neck and tear it out.

“Stay the fuck away from us. I don’t care who gave you the order to have the audacity to interrogate me like this, but I promise you, if this has any consequences for us, the next time you see me will be the last time you see anything at all.”

-

Erwin comes home much earlier than usual. Levi had just sat down in front of the TV, skipping news because Erwin says this could upset him, so instead he chose an infomercial about an amazing new steam cleaner, maybe Erwin would approve of that as a birthday gift, Levi thinks.

Jumping up when he hears someone at the door, Levi quickly makes his way out of the living room to carefully glance around the corner.

“Erwin, you’re home,” he says softly, walking toward his mate with careful steps. The unexpected situation makes him feel insecure, letting questions rush through his mind. Did something happen? Is Erwin sick?

“I haven’t prepared any lunch, I’m sorry, I’ll make something right away if you’re hungry!”

Erwin just stands there, staring at him for a moment and maybe Levi’s body is quicker than his mind because he starts shaking before remembering his bandaged wrist and suddenly he just wants to melt, to vanish, doesn’t want to deal with what’s going to happen.

Erwin pulls him close, one hand on Levi’s neck, as he loves to hold him, the other reaches down to close around Levi’s wrist, pulling it up to Erwin’s nose.

“What happened?”

“I accidentally.. the knife just slipped out of my hand and.. I wanted to catch it but then..” Levi is in tears, trying to stay in place because running away is bad. He still doesn’t know what happened, still doesn’t understand why Erwin’s here already.

“You’re lying to me, Levi, why are you lying. Shouldn’t I be able to trust you?”

Erwin squeezes Levi’s wrist, causing blood to quickly soak through the bandages and his sleeve. Biting back a whimper Levi tries to endure, tries to just take the consequences.

“They are right, I can’t trust you… you’re lying to me.. you’re a fucking liar.” Erwin’s fingers wrap around Levi’s throat, pushing him back until his body is flush against the wall. He’s struggling to breathe, feels his feet disconnect from the ground and tries desperately to hold onto Erwin’s arm. The blood in his ears makes him dizzy, no words leave his lips, he’s fainting. No, he’s not - Erwin doesn’t let him escape yet.

Levi’s bony legs provide no cushioning when his Alpha lets go and he falls, pathetically gasping for air at Erwin’s feet.

“Please, ah- I-I’m so sorry,” Levi breathes, looking up at his mate but Erwin grabs a fistful of hair at the back of Levi’s head and starts dragging him toward the guest bedroom. The floor bites Levi’s skin, scratching it raw where his legs are bare and vulnerable, only when he recognizes the sound of chains embracing his ankle he realizes what’s happening.

“I don’t know what to do with you, I’ve tried everything, but you’re filthy, Levi,” Erwin’s voice sounds unlike himself, Levi doesn’t want to hear it anymore and tries to hide from everything, curled up into himself until Erwin’s fist meets the top of his head, causing him to writhe in pain. Levi tries squirming away but an agonizingly painful kick to the back of his ribs makes his body give in.

“Alpha, please,” Levi whimpers, high pitched and animalistic, the scent of desperation filling the air around them. It’s hard to focus his gaze, breathing is painful, moving is painful. A quick glance at his wrist shows his sleeve dark red and damp.

“I won’t let you betray me, Levi.. I won’t let them take you away from me,” Erwin mumbles, turning around to leave the room. Levi can’t see him, he’s too tired and just hears the door falling shut, getting locked from the outside. Erwin says something he can’t understand, the sound seems distant as Levi falls into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm, ouch.


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s going insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Suicide attempt, mentions of mpreg, mentions of medication and mental disorders
> 
> This chapter is messy like its content.

The night is long and quiet. Levi doesn’t stir or make sounds or dream. When he wakes up in the morning everything is bright, light biting his vision despite the room he’s in lacking windows to provide actual daylight and air.

It’s the door, wide open. No chains holding back his frail form, Levi stands up. Everything is spinning, he vaguely remembers yesterday, or the day before that? What time is it? There’s no sound in the rest of the apartment, other than the clock in the kitchen, telling him it’s 4pm and luckily, only one day has gone by. Erwin should still be at work.

After taking several pain killers, Levi knows he’s allowed those the day after Erwin disciplines him, he takes a bath, cleans himself up.

Why is he so calm?

Why doesn’t he feel anything at all?

He washes away old blood, combs through his long hair before braiding it the way Erwin likes it. Levi isn’t startled by his own reflection, he knows what to expect by now, but somewhere inside, he’s confused.

 

Why?

 

Why did Erwin let him out?

 

 

Why did he lock him in?

 

 

Why is he doing this

 

 

Why

 

_Why?_

_Why??!_

 

 

 

 

_Oh._

 

 

 

 

Levi understands now.

 

 

That must be it.

 

 

Alphas want to protect.

 

 

Maybe… Erwin is just trying to prevent Levi’s misery.

 

Maybe, that’s what he wanted all along.

For it to end, for Levi to end.

 

 

It’s a beautiful day, really. When Levi stands on their little balcony and stares down at grey, hard pavement. Unforgiving and inviting.

Just one step, just a little more and he’s good, helping the world achieve what it wants.

 

Levi’s death.

 

Even as a kid, didn’t the world always try to take it away, Levi’s life? The small hands of children pushing him underwater, their eyes, so full of disgust. An Omega, the child of a whore, nephew of a murderer, a traitor. Filthy by nature.

Yeah, Levi should apologize, one final time, make the world a better place.

 

He steps over the balcony parapet, lets his heel slide down the braces until it’s safely tucked between two of them.

 

 

 _So close._ Take another step, Levi.

 

 

“Levi.”

 

A voice bites through his body and mind, keeping him in place. _Alpha?_

 

“Levi, don’t move.”

But Levi moves, turns his head around, knuckles white around the metal he’s holding onto.

“Levi, I’m sorry.”

Erwin is there, his Alpha is there. Isn’t he happy? Doesn’t he approve? No. No, Levi can smell it, understands Alpha’s gaze. He doesn’t approve, it’s wrong again, Levi is doing it wrong even now.

“Stay exactly where you are.” Erwin walks closer. The balcony door is open, a bouquet of flowers lies on the ground right in front of it. Roses. Red like blood.

Levi’s heart is breaking, he got it all wrong.

“Look at me, Levi.”

“Alpha..”

Levi looks at him, those eyes. So cold and blue, they’re painful.

Erwin stands right behind him now and Levi’s body is twisted painfully to keep their eyes locked. His Alpha’s arms wrap around him, squeeze and pull him back. “Let go now, I’ve got you.” So Levi lets go, gets the relief he aimed for but it’s so unexpected and different, he can’t hold back his tears anymore.

“Alpha, Alpha I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought this was what you wanted, I wanted to make you happy-“

Erwin holds Levi closely against his chest, pulls him away from any danger but himself. He croons against Levi’s neck, places his lips on the gland, red and marked. “I love you, Omega.. Levi… I love you, don’t take yourself away from me, don’t…”

 

_He’s going insane._

 

“Erwin..”

 

 

 

Back inside Erwin sits in his armchair. Levi, completely exhausted, cradled in his arms. His Omega’s scent is confusing, an uninterpretable mix of emotions Erwin is trying to make sense of. Levi is so dumb, how could he think this was what Erwin wanted?

“You’re stupid, stop trying to make decisions for yourself.”

Erwin’s words sting but his tone is unusual, less scolding, less belittling. No, his Alpha never belittles him, he’s just telling the truth.

“I’m sorry, you always have to protect me, even now.”

“I’ll always protect you, you’re mine. And you’ll carry my child.”

Levi’s heart skips a beat.

Is he dreaming?

“I’ll breed you, Omega. Soon.” Erwin pulls Levi into a kiss, meets cold, quivering lips with his own, devouring Levi’s doubts.

 

-

 

_(…)suicide rates for unmated Omegas over the age of 40 are the highest among(…)leaving the suicide rate of Omegas with one child or more the lowest of all reference groups(…)abuse in relationships as the primary reason for---_

 

Erwin slams his laptop shut. So he made the right decision. Levi wouldn’t take his life with Erwin’s child inside of him, and not only that, this will stop all the questions and nosy remarks he has to deal with at work.

It’s been a few days since Levi’s attempt. He’s seemingly fine since then. Erwin has started urging him to eat more, even without suppressants or contraceptives, pregnancy is unlikely for a body like Levi’s. He’s pretty like this but having some softness for Erwin to sink his teeth into, hold onto while he knots him, the thought is appealing.

Erwin opens the desk drawer to his right and inspects the rut suppressants he’s been taking. Maybe it’ll be better without them, maybe he’ll feel closer to Levi again. Maybe there’s something wrong, not only with Levi, not only with… himself…

This whole system, this society, the state.

Aren’t people wrong?

Aren’t they at fault for what Erwin’s doing?

His head hurts so fucking much. Neither the sedatives nor the painkillers Zoe prescribed him seem to help anymore.

PTSD. And a personality disorder?

Ridiculous. There’s no time for self-pity, his mate is waiting at home.

 

He loves Levi, so much.

 

It’s driving him insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure things will get much better from now on.


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I knew you’d be good, of course. A good wife will be a good mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while.
> 
> Now with fanart thanks to the lovely tumefaismal on tumblr: [1](https://tumefaismal.tumblr.com/post/183140287933/i-mean-this-is-only-a-reference-sheet), [2](https://tumefaismal.tumblr.com/post/183145673578/slut#notes)
> 
>  
> 
> Additional chapter warnings:
> 
> Mentioned vomiting, body image issues/eating disorders

 

Levi steps off the scale, scrutinising the shape he sees in the floor-length mirror. It’s only been a few weeks, but he’s managed to gain weight quickly. Maybe not as quickly as he thinks, with a body like his, a few pounds can make an enormous difference. A scary, uncomfortable difference he wants to cut away, but he has to endure this. He’s getting softer where he’d only find bones to caress a while ago, round, squishy, still just as weak as before. But Alpha says he has to, if he doesn’t gain weight, having a child won’t be an option. Not even having a proper, regular heat cycle. It must be Levi’s fault for starving himself, surely not Erwin’s for criticising and policing his body. His mate only ever wants what’s best for him, so if he points out Levi’s flaws, it’s out of kindness, solely to improve him. If that’s true, then why is Levi crying? Why is the mirror a blurry mess of anxiety. It’s almost like back then, all the water, in his eyes and lungs and—

 

“Are you admiring yourself?” Erwin walks in, stopping right behind Levi to wrap his arms around his body, painfully tight, restricting his breathing. Erwin’s gaze travels up and down Levi’s image in the mirror, looking upon what he sees in ways unknown to his Omega. So full of thoughts Levi can’t read. “You’re lewd, standing here just like this, naked, trying to allure me.” Erwin’s voice is deep and full of genuine desire, melting Levi’s heart.

 

He leans into the warm embrace, no matter how painful or restricting, this is where he belongs. “Alph-” Erwin steals a kiss and lets a hand reach between Levi’s cheeks, pressing two fingers into him. “Be good tonight, you know how to behave properly, don’t you? Be a good wife, don’t forget you’re completely dependent on me. You’re nothing without me, Levi..”

 

The fingers inside of his body move, spread his walls, covered by thin slick, inviting enough to let pleasure rule over pain. “Yes Alpha, of course,” Levi whines, pushing his hips back, still breathless from the pressure around his chest. “I knew you’d be good, of course. A good wife will be a good mother.”

 

-

 

Levi’s eyes are glued to his plate, food still almost untouched. Eating is hard for someone who isn’t used to it like most people. Outside of his home, surrounded by strangers.

 

The restaurant is very nice, though he wishes instead of a group of people, he would be all alone with his Alpha. Erwin’s business partners are surely nice, but Levi feels extremely uncomfortable, especially under Dawk’s scrutinising gaze.

 

A hand comes up to the back of his neck, spreading needed scent on his skin. Alpha is right there next to him, telling him things are going to be okay.

 

“You look beautiful tonight,” Erwin whispers against Levi’s ear once business talk is over and he has time to appreciate the way Levi’s hair frames his pale face, makeup hiding some of the darkness and bruises refusing to heal as quickly as they used to.

 

Levi smiles in response, feeling shy in front of the others, but Alpha is so kind.

 

“But you have to eat,” Erwin follows up, nails scratching the base of Levi’s scalp. “Don’t embarrass me, eat up.”

 

The change in Erwin’s voice sends a cold shiver down Levi’s spine and he quickly forces himself to finish his plate. Erwin turns away to talk to an Alpha next to him, whose name Levi already has forgotten. Stuffing his face, he meets Marie’s eyes, Dawk’s wife. Is she pitying him? What’s that gaze supposed to mean? It makes Levi angry, out of shame. Why is she staring at him like this, he doesn’t need a stranger’s sympathy. There’s hot anger rising in Levi’s chest, making his lungs burn. He doesn’t understand what’s happening to him, and before he can think properly, his plate is empty and he’s running towards the bathroom.

 

Almost stumbling over his long dress, Levi makes it into the Omega’s washroom, barging into one of the stalls where he hugs the toilet and empties himself completely. Tears start coming too, blurring his vision. He’s pathetic, sensitive, embarrassing his Alpha by behaving like a fucking freak.

 

To Marie’s question if she should check on Levi, Erwin glares at her until she averts her eyes and a tiny whimper escapes her throat. Her Alpha Nile doesn’t react and everyone at the table quickly changes the topic, pretending to ignore Erwin who's now getting up himself, to do what Marie had proposed. It’s generally inadequate to enter Omega’s washrooms as an Alpha, but general public opinion also permits bonded mates certain privileges, so Erwin enters and finds Levi on the ground, chest heaving, mascara running down his cheeks.

 

“Alpha-“ he whines pathetically. Erwin closes the door of the stall behind him.

 

 “I could smell how upset you were, but I didn’t think you would let yourself lose control like this.”

 

Alpha sounds so disappointed, it feels like a knife to Levi’s chest and he quickly clings to Erwin’s leg, apologising quietly.

 

“I’m sorry for being a burden, I’m sorry, I-“

 

Suddenly he’s picked up, cradled in Erwin’s arms like a child, Alpha’s deep voice crooning against his skin, Levi becomes boneless. This must be heaven.

 

“You’re so easy to break. I should have known this would upset you, you’re not used to people, you were made to stay away from anyone but me..” Erwin’s lips connect to Levi’s neck, sucking the glands there until the Omega’s scent changes from fear and despair, into something much more alluring and inviting.

 

“Naughty. What a dirty little slut you are,” Erwin says sweetly. Before Levi can react, he adds, “be good and I’ll reward you later tonight, Omega.”

 

After cleaning himself up, Levi comes back to the table a few minutes after Erwin, even managing to finish dessert. In positive anticipation, he ignores gazes and what he assumes others think, to only focus on the task at hand: Be good.

 

The remaining dinner is uneventful, yet once they’re back at home Levi suddenly feels unbelievably exhausted.

 

“Turn around,” Erwin demands, closing the door while Levi is still taking off his shoes in the entrance area.

 

Obeying quickly, he doesn’t anticipate Erwin back-handing him, easily pushing him off balance and to the ground.

 

“I told you to be good tonight, but you caused me trouble.”

 

Levi doesn’t dare looking up, instantly slipping into submission because he knows Erwin is right.

 

“But you got your act together in the end. I understand you need my constant support to be able to handle these situations. You’ve always been like this.”

 

Completely still, Levi just listens, not quite understanding where his Alpha is going with what he’s saying.

 

“Do you remember everything, Levi? What they did to you when we were young? And me, protecting you, always?”

 

There is water and no air in Levi’s lungs, until he realises he’s not drowning in a brook but in Alpha’s blue eyes. His memories are messy and unpredictable, but Erwin’s right, he was always protecting him, surely, even when Erwin was the one pushing him underwater, calling him names. It must have had a purpose, Erwin always knew what’s right.

 

“Yes, I remember, Alpha.” Levi moves forward, a sharp pain in his back when he leans down to kiss Alpha’s feet.

 

“And yet you left me alone, made me go through all of this on my own.” Erwin’s hands are trembling, barely able to stop himself from breaking Levi’s neck right there and then. He’s at fault, his family is at fault, for so much of Erwin’s suffering. For his father’s death, for his trauma. No warmth, no embrace, Levi wasn’t there despite promising it, when Erwin’s hands were bloodstained from killing, slaughtering, obeying orders for political gain.

 

Levi looks like a deer in the headlights when Erwin drops to his knees, fingers tangled in his own hair, putting pressure on his head like he’s trying to violently push those thoughts and memories out of his mind. He’s cursing under his breath, eyes screwed shut, threatening to sink into an abyss of nothing but darkness.

 

Just when he wants to let himself fall down that chasm, he’s pulled back by warmth and light when his Omega’s thin arms wrap around him, a gentle, small voice crooning in an attempt to soothe his pain.

 

Levi loves him, so painfully much, and despite everything, Erwin feels the same. He allows himself to be engulfed by this gentle, caring affection. His mate holds him close, nuzzles himself against him until Erwin’s relentless grip subsides and instead invites Levi into his arms.

 

“My Omega.. my Levi.” Erwin’s scent wraps around them protectively, possessive of what they have, their flawed attempt at finding happiness.

 

Maybe this is Levi’s reward. He doesn’t think it’s what Erwin had planned, but it’s more than he could have asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Careful, Erwin, your trauma is showing.
> 
> Smut next chapter.


End file.
